Author: Mike

Friday Happy Hour: And you’re all dummies…

Mike

Yet another Friday Happy Hour, ripped from the pages of Mental Floss (Follow that blog, it’s great for trivia nerds).  As always, questions are theirs, answers are mine.

 

1. Agatha Christie said she came up with most of her book plots while sitting in her bathtub, eating apples. Do you have a special place you go when you really need to concentrate? Where do you do your best work? Any old study tips you want to share?

It’s not a place I go to anymore, but when I lived in Salina, Kansas there was a spot at a park I used to love.  Secluded table overlooking the Smoky Hill “river.”  Used to go there frequently.

 

2. Congratulations! You’ve been hired as a consultant by the For Dummies people. You’ll be assigned to one book, on a topic you know a lot about. What new For Dummies book would you want to work on?

How to Avoid Pissing Me Off for Dummies (Subtitled:  And you’re all dummies).  It’s a niche market.

3. Whether it was intentional or not, what’s the strangest place you’ve ever slept?

I’m not much of a sleeper when it comes to strange places, so I’d have to say sleeping in a cave.

4. What’s on your summer reading list?

I’m currently reading The Orthodox Heretic by Peter Rollins, Look at the Birdie by Kurt Vonnegut, and Zeitoun by Dave Eggers.  I don’t normally read more than one book at a time, but this Rollins book is best read one chapter at a time (and they’re only a few pages), and the Vonnegut is a collection of short stories, so I’m doing one at a time there, too.  The Girl who Played with Fire is up next once I finish those.

Little freakin’ Debbie

Mike

Sure, it came completely out of nowhere.  Someone mentioned to me on Twitter that they had Nutty Bars for breakfast.  Someone else said they prefer Swiss Rolls.  So I asked for a completely unscientific poll on what the best Little Debbie snack was*.  Personally, I voted for Nutty Bars, which I thought would completely run away with the thing.  But the results are in, and Nutty Bars finished tied for 2nd.

The best part: even Debbie herself voted, so we know this was something special…

But enough’a my yakkin’… here are the results:

  • Tied with 4.5% of the vote:  Zebra Cakes, Powdered Donuts, and Star Crunch
  • 9% – Cosmic Brownies and Strawberry Shortcake Rolls (formerly known as Jelly Rolls)
  • 18.2% – Oatmeal Creme Pies (Giant and regular size votes both went in this category) and Nutty Bars

And the winner, with 31.8% of the vote:

Congratulations to Debbie, and to the entire nation of Switzerland.

 

 

*I’m confident that there will be a spike in sales of Little Debbie snacks today in the Midwest as a result of all the Tweets today

I Just Like Saying Weiner

Mike

Wiener.

In just two weeks Anthony Weiner has gone from being a congressman with a funny last name to being a congressman with an hilarious last name.  Add in a few pics of Weiner’s weiner and it can’t get much funnier than that.  But in the biggest overreaction of the 2010’s (twenty-tweens?) he’s now being told to resign behind more controversy than Joey Chestnutt’s near regurgitation in the 2009 Nathan’s hot dog eating contest.

Let’s take a look at the facts here… @RepWeiner tweeted a pic of his undies.  It was supposed to go to an adult female.  We don’t know if she wanted to see his pants tent or not, but she didn’t actually see the weinermobile.  She just saw the garage it was being kept in.  This may more may not have been the pattern for other women.  3? 5? 10? 60? 144?  Who knows?    What I do know is that not one woman has come forward to state that the pictures were unwanted.  Not one has come forward to say there was any sort of physical relationship.  Not one has come forward an alluded to any inappropriate activity with a minor.

So let’s recap:

  • Wiener has a weiner
  • Weiner likes to prove he has a weiner
  • Weiner probably likes to use evidence to see evidence of the lack of weiners on females
  • Weiner is married… a married man doing some of the above  is scummy and dirty
  • Weiner lied about being scummy and dirty for a week before he told the truth about being summy and dirty

So here’s the issue:  being scummy and dirty and lying is not illegal.  In fact, it’s a core part of being a politician, is it not?  Our country as founded on scummy, dirty liars.  It could be worse, in fact… he could be shooting for the highest office in the United States government while being 100% incompetent.

This is a scummy dirty thing.  Don’t get me wrong. But let’s not forget he hasn’t broken any laws that we are aware of.  While his actions don’t make him a victim, but any means, he is now becoming the victim of an overreaction by a generation that doesn’t understand how common his form of cheating is, as well as how a media that has consistently insinuated things without any evidence of them.

Did you watch the full press conference?  Someone asked if he had any inappropriate contact with a minor to which he correctly replied, “not to my knowledge.”  The media has since taken this as an opportunity to assume he has, when he was correctly stating that it was never his intention to do so, but being on the internet he has no way of knowing if anyone has lied about their age.

Weiner’s weiner is a private thing.  And it should have been left that way.  He accidentally made it private, but the rest of us can now as well.  He’s a congressman, which doesn’t take away his rights to a private life.  He doesn’t need to be forced to resign because of legal activities in his private life.  The voters will decide if he’s worthy of keeping his job.

Besides, forcing him to resign will deprive the rest of us from continuing to see the word “Weiner” in the headlines.  This is America.  We want our weiners!

Friday Happy Hour: Committed

Mike

Haven’t done one of these in awhile, but here’s a post ripped from The Mental Floss blog.  Their questions, my answers…

1. Last week, we discussed things everybody liked except you. How about the opposite? What short-lived TV series, style of clothing, book, day of the week, vacation destination (or whatever) are you seemingly alone in liking?

There was a show called Committed that I totally loved.  It didn’t even make through an entire season, and as far as I know has never made it to DVD. I don’t know of anyone else who watched it.


2. Like Larry David, I was a history major. (“You never know when you might run into a discussion of the Franco-Prussian War,” he’s joked.)What was/is your college major? If you’re out of school, have you been able to put it to use? If you could do it all over again, would you choose something else?

Math Education.  I’ve used it a few years here and there, and now that I’d like to use it again the economy has collapsed and schools have cut all their teachers.  Do it all over again, I would have done stright math and become an actuary and make some actual money.

 

3. Tom Shales and James Andrew Miller’s Those Guys Have All the Fun: Inside the World of ESPN comes out next week. It’s an oral history that lasts 784 pages from the guys who brought us the excellent oral history ofSaturday Night Live. Let’s say Shales and Miller came to you looking for advice on their next project. What topic would hold your attention for 800 pages of interviews?

I would love to read one with all sorts of inside goings on at the White House.

 

4. We’re not due for another “What are you reading?” question until next week, but let’s use a variation of that question—what’s a great website you only recently discovered?

EpisodeCalendar.com.  It’s freaking awesome if you’re an obsessive compulsive tv watcher.

“Macho Man” Randy Savage

Mike

Randy “Macho Man” “Savage” Poffo
November 15, 1952 – May 20, 2011

You wouldn’t think that the simple act of running against the ropes would hurt, but it does. I think another one is just the fact of how winded the wrestlers can get entertaining the people. I think they deserve more respect for that because when two guys are digging, take an Eddie Guerrero type, and he’s out there really trying to show you something special, really trying to entertain the people, and it’s not as easy as it looks to be out there. Put yourself in these guys’ shoes, traveling to your town and giving their whole heart just to put a smile on your face, just to entertain the fans. Being a wrestler is like walking on the treadmill of life. You get off of it and it just keeps going.

-Randy Savage

I was running…

Mike

I’ve been thinking for awhile that I’m fat and out of shape.  Ok, that’s not really a thinking thing as much as a truth thing.  My job is a sit at a desk all day and never move kind of job, so in my time there I’ve gained weight and continued to get more and more out of shape.

I’ve tried a few things here and there.  I had a gym membership where I frequently did the elliptical and swam laps.  I’ve rocked the NFL Training Camp for Wii.  But usually I do things for awhile and then stop and end up out of breath again.

A few times I’ve tried running.  The truth is, I don’t hate it.  But I have knee issues and that tends to catch up with me  But the other day I was out for a walk and discovered that the park by where I live has a rubberized surface on it’s running trail, so I figured I’d give it a shot.   My friend Andy had told me about a plan that in 9 weeks takes you from doing no running at all to being ready for a 5k.  Now I don’t know if I can really pull that off in 9 weeks, but I downloaded the app, joined RunKeeper, and off I went.

Now I hurt. But I’m proud of myself for getting one day down… let’s see if I can get all 9 weeks…

A Former Right-Winger

Mike

A man and his wife died last night. While they stayed in their bedroom late at night several men stormed into the room with only one objective:  kill.  You know the story.  I’m not going to try to paint it in such a way to draw sympathy.  The fact is that I don’t have any to give.  But while it seems most of the nation wants to celebrate, the only emotion I can find is to grieve.  Not for Osama Bin Laden, but for our humanity.

The news that broke last night creates in many of us a mixed emotion that we rarely have to deal with.  My sister wrote a blog post about how it has taken her from her former hippie ways to struggling to find the problem with it.  I’ve had sort of an opposite movement in my life.  I went from a pretty right wing kinda guy to someone who wants to call himself moderate, but if I had to be labeled it would be tough to deny my liberalism.

But here’s the catch… I never believed in that right wing standard: the death penalty.  There are so many arguments against it, and none that hold water for it.  But more important for me than anything else is this:  who are we to decide who should live and and who should die?

I get it. Osama Bin Laden was the most evil living example we had.  I know that he was responsible for thousands of deaths.  I get that he was a symbolic target to declare our dominance in the war against terror.  There is no part of me that wanted any good thing for him.  But I can not, and will not, celebrate the death of this man.  There are plenty of quotes going around all over social media right now…

An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind. -Gandhi

I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy.  – Martin Luther King, Jr

Don’t rejoice when your enemies fall; don’t be happy when they stumble. – Proverbs 24:17.

They’re wise.  They’re pithy when you use them right. But can we really live them?  Death only begets death.  Only life can beget life.  Justice, by definition, is setting things right.  Taking one life to pay the price for the thousands who have died sets nothing right.  It doesn’t bring back a single one of those lives.  It can’t. So if justice can’t exist we’re left only with revenge.  And if we are seeking revenge, why?  Because we value life.  But we cannot value life while celebrating death.  No matter whose death it is.

Do I think Bin Laden should have been free to roam the world?  No.  Do I know the answer?  No.  But will I celebrate that he is dead? By no means. Call me a hippie if you want… but I’m also a former (recovering) right-winger.

I’m Greedy

Mike

I don’t think I’m that bad of a person, really.

But I guess I’m pretty greedy.

As a Chicago fan, I’m pretty pretty lucky.  In my lifetime I’ve gotten to watch the Bears, Bulls, White Sox, and Blackhawks all win championships.  In fact, Chicago is the only city in the last 25 years to have won them all.  Sure, the Bears haven’t done it since 1985, but still… they’ve done it.  And better yet, the Cubs haven’t.

So last year when the Blackhawks were in the playoffs and dominating pretty much everyone the entire way though it was looking like that young team was headed for a dynasty.  But I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.  I said that no matter what happens, if they win 1, I’d be happy and satisfied with it.  They did.  And I was.

Then salary caps took over.  The team was dismantled except for it’s core of stars.  They kept saying not to worry, that with guys like Kane, Toews, Keith, and Sharp locked up the transition would be seamless.  My conviction of being satisfied with just one cup continued, but may have waned a bit…

Now, down 3-0 in the first round to the dirty scum Canucks….

I’m greedy.

Well, thank God for da Bulls, at least.

Friday Happy Hour: Pizza and Beer

Mike

Every week Mental Floss does their Friday Happy Hour.  Sometimes I steal it… This is one of those weeks.  Questions theirs, answers mine.

1. “1-877-KARS-4-KIDS. K-A-R-S KARS-4-KIDS. 1-877-KARS-4-KIDS, donate your car today.” I find myself humming this radio jingle at least once a day. What jingles have been lodged in your head for years?

Anyone who went to K-State has the same answer for this… “At 776-5577 call us now at Pizza Shuttle.  For fast and friendly, delivery… pizza the way it’s supposed to be.  Give us a call and you’ll agree… it’s Pizza Shuttle Pizza for me! Call 776-5577… call us now at Pizza Shuttle!”


2. Fast forward 10 years. How will you get your local news in 2021? Do you think something like the AOL Patch model can be sustainable? Will independent newspapers/websites be able to generate enough revenue to employ professional journalists? Should we bring the town crier back?

I feel like we’re nearing a sustainable model consisting of online text and video.  I’m not sure how much local tv news will hold on in their current form.  I see news as a whole as being an on demand thing.


3. Last week, Cole Gamble told us about four upcoming questionable toy-to-movie adaptations (includingBattleship). We can do better. What’s something you think should be made into a movie? Could be a moment in history, someone’s life story, a book, TV show or, if you like, a toy or game.

Remember the “We like the moon” spongemonkeys that eventually did the Quiznos commercial? How has that not become a feature length film yet?  I’d go see it.


4. Can I get you a drink? (I can’t really. Stay with me.) But pretend I could get you a drink. Any drink. Coffee, soda, beer, wine, tea, juice, flavored water, or your choice of spirit, served any way you wish. What would you order?

Probably just because it’s not possible anymore, and barely was attainable when it was possible, I’d have you get me pitcher of Boulevard’s Chocolate Ale.  The draft version (they were different). And since I can have it served in any way, I’ll just go ahead and take the whole keg.

 

Water Lilies

Mike

Last night I took the opportunity to go the member’s preview of Monet’s Water Lilies at the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art.  There are only 2 Monet triptychs in the United States, and this particular one has been divided among three different museums.  As a regular visitor to the Nelson I had seen the panel they own in it’s regular spot in it’s gallery.  I was excited to see it in it’s original context, but I had no idea just what I would see.

I went with a very close friend, and due to the craziness of the day we weren’t able to get there until 20 minutes before the museum closed, so we were completely rushed.  We practically ran through the Bloch building in order to get the the exhibit with time to see it.  As we rounded the corner into the gallery with the complete triptych the mood completely changed.  We stood together in complete awe of the painting.  I think neither of us had a clue just how impressive and beautiful it would be… add in the emotion of the day leading up to that point, and while neither of us really acknowledged it, we were both on the verge of tears.

I’m no art critic, and even the best can’t put into words what it’s like to see a piece like this.  And with Kansas City being the first stop on it’s tour, we were among the first to see it in over 30 years.  No photos can do it justice, and having seen one third of it in the permanent collection doesn’t do it the full justice.  I’m not going to try to describe it… I’m only going to say that you must see it.  It’s in Kansas City, starting tomorrow through August 7th.  It will also make stops in Cleveland and St. Louis.  Get to one of them if you can (of course I’m partial to KC).  I know I don’t write much about art, and I may not have much credibility in this area, but this one is a must see.  Just trust me.

Friday Happy Hour: Crocodile Bob

Mike

I don’t do it every Friday, but when I do… well… I do it.  Ripped from the headlines of the Mental Floss Blog:

1. School names generally fall into five categories: Geography (Valleyview, West Morris); Famous Historical Figures (Dr. Sally K. Ride Elementary, Polk High); Not Famous Historical Figures (Amos W. Harrison Elementary); Numbers (PS 31); and Feel-Good Words (Liberty High, Rolling Hills School). But you’ve just been appointed to a school-renaming committee, and the task is simple—rename your school for a favorite teacher. Could be a high school, middle school, elementary school, daycare, whatever. What did he or she do to deserve this honor?

A few teachers come to mind, but I’m going to go back to my undergrad at K-State and choose “Crocodile” Bob Linder.  Just for fun, as an elective, I took History of Baseball and History of Christianity from him.  He knew how to teach, how to peak your interest in a subject, and has lived an amazing life (the nickname comes from having wrestled a crocodile).  I definitely owe a large portion of my love of baseball and appreciation of history to him.  When I was in seminary I was reading my History of Christianity text and noticed an article in it by him.  I flipped back to the front and it turned out he was the general editor of the book.

 

2. Many enjoyable magazines have folded in recent years. If you could see one magazine revived, which one would you choose?

Magazines… not ringing a bell.  Can I get that for my Nook?

 

3. What’s the best movie you’ve seen so far this year? It need not be a 2011 release.

Exit Through the Gift Shop.  Absolutely loved that film.  The next night I was at an event at the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art, and listened to someone explain their version of the point of the film… that anyone can be an artist if they just try.  Wow, sort of missed that one, eh?

On Real Hatred…

Mike

Yesterday I poked a little fun at what it means to have hatred in sports.  Hate is a strong word.  I remember growing up always being told that we should never say we hate anything or anyone.  Like most words, though, the meaning has changed and evolved over time.  Now it can mean anything from wanting to seek out the death and destruction of an entire population to simply not liking a certain flavor of ice cream, or a particular football team.  It just isn’t always a big deal.

But then again, it takes only a quick glance around the world to see that hatred, in it’s most intense and brutal forms, is completely alive. Ask those living under oppressive regimes, within systemic systems of poverty around the world and in our own country, and those in abused and abandoned minorities based on race, geography, sexuality, religion, or other arbitrary aspects of their lives.

Hate is alive in our world.  In our country.  In our community.  Even in ourselves.  Search that out.  Take some perspective. Sports hatred may be a goofy, simple, and meaningless way to watch a game.  Real hatred, even deeply rooted and hard to locate without ourselves, is painfully real.

And that actually matters.

On Sports Hatred…

Mike

Let’s face it… this picture is awesome.

That being said, I don’t feel guilty at all for enjoying it.  If you put yourself out there as a super fan of some sort, you put yourself out there for this to happen.  When I was a student at K-State, for 2 years a couple friends and I stood on the front row at every football game wearing purple togas.  People knew who we were, and on the rare occasion we lost a game, we knew there was more to be directed at us by the opposing fans (see, the game we never speak of in 1998).  The more passionate you are about anything, sports or otherwise, the more sweet the wins will be, and the harder the losses.

Sports has winners and losers.  If it wasn’t so, there would be no sports.  When you cheer for a team, you’ll find others cheering with you, and others cheering for the other team.  And some may be cheering for the other team specifically because they don’t like your team.  Deal with it. Am I a bad person because I take great joy in KU losing?  No. It’s a freaking game. I’m sorry if you have the misfortune of being a KU fan.  I get that you buy into the idea that if people don’t cheer for your silly little mythical bird, that they are somehow cheering against America.  I get that somewhere deep down you’re deeply and personally offended by those of us who don’t buy into the theory that if they live in the same state for which your school is named after (and by your school I mean the one you probably didn’t actually go to, but for some reason live and die for anyway).  I live on the Missouri side of Kansas City now anyway, so by that logic, shouldn’t I be a Mizzou fan and hate KU all the more?

No.

I went to K-State.  I’m proud to have gone to K-State.  No matter how you try to spin it, in no way am I ever, under any circumstances, obligated to cheer for KU or any other team whose fans think that I should.

For some reason, in my experience, KU fans take it deeply personal.  You know, it’s really not about you.  When I say I hate KU, I didn’t say “I hate every bit of who you, personally, are as a human being.”  But for some reason people take it that way.  They claim that KU fans don’t cheer against K-State (while large amounts of vocal KU fans show otherwise), but even if they don’t, that in no way obligates me to cheer for KU, or to feel sad when they lose amidst the easiest path to the Final Four since 2008 to an 11 seed and Mr. Sad Jayhawk gets posted all over the internet.  This week I had a choice.  I could cheer for VCU or for KU.  The choice was easy.  If you don’t like my choice, that just isn’t really my problem.  My 4 year old nephew once said to me, “Now Uncle Mike… different people like different teams… and I like the traitor people.”  He was talking about Nebraska, but you get the point.  I may not like that he’s cheering for the traitor people, and you might not like that I’m cheering against your team, but life goes on… and when it’s all said and done, none of our teams are in the Final Four.

I do think there’s a decorum and class to hating in sports.  I don’t wish actual harm on anyone.  I’m not secretly praying for KU’s plane to crash and I didn’t take joy in the sad stories about what Thomas Robinson went through this year.  Would I like to see them crumble and suddenly lose every game for the rest of humanity?  Of course.  But there’s a difference between a game and destroying their humanity.  How fans are treated matters to me as well.  While I may have celebrated KU’s loss on Facebook, Twitter, and real life, I didn’t do so specifically to rub it into particular people.  I somehow have a few friends left who are KU fans, and I didn’t call them or text them to rub it in.  I didn’t direct anything specifically to them, or write on their Facebook walls to try and rub their faces in it.  It hurts when a team you care about loses.  I get that.  It hurts me when K-State loses to a 4 seed, so I know it has to hurt when KU loses to an 11 seed (really?!?).  In this instance I get to celebrate.  You don’t.  Plenty of other times it has gone the other way around.

Different people like different teams.

Deal with it.